Well, this is a painful comeback!

So if you're wondering where I've been since I dropped off the radar, so much stuff has happened. I have two quite sad blog entries that I'll add after this one. Firstly, my beloved Grandad passed away at the beginning of the year. I was completely devastated. I spoke at his funeral and I'll post the speech that I wrote. I still miss him so much and this world is a darker place without his shining light in it.

Three days before Grandad's funeral, I found out that I was pregnant. I was so incredibly happy even though my husband was in shock. Unfortunately for my waistline, I didn't exercise and ate complete crap. When you're pregnant there's a whole bunch of things you have to avoid and the easiest thing to buy at work that was "safe" was stuff like chips and gravy. In hindsight, I could've prepared food (but in all fairness, I was incredibly tired!) or even bought alternatives. Either way, I didn't do that and my weight slowly crept back up. Sadly, on the 26th of March, I miscarried the baby. I'm still struggling with this, at work there are five girls who are all pregnant and have noticable bumps and it kills me. I hate that Snooki from The Jersey Shore can be getting herself blackout drunk during the first trimester and have a healthy pregnancy while I didn't drink, didn't smoke, took pregnancy vitamins every day of my pregnancy and didn't even eat bloody soft eggs and still had a miscarriage. Life is unfair. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I want Snooki to have a miscarriage, it's just that I think it's unfair that I did everything right and still had a miscarriage.

Anyway, when it happened, I made a post on my Facebook about it. I don't think enough people talk about miscarriage, it's a topic that's kind of "taboo" and I don't know why. There's nothing to be ashamed of with having a miscarriage and if more people talked about it maybe it wouldn't feel so incredibly lonely when you're suffering through one. I got so much love and support from my friends which is what I really needed. I'll post what I wrote on Facebook after this, too.

I was actually inspired to blog again from a lovely lady called Janet whose blog Love Is Blonde, I came across while reading some articles in Unbearable on Mommyish. She had a miscarriage at 26 weeks and reading about it really touched my heart. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, this kind of pain has been experience by people before and they have gotten through it.

So, moving on to a happier topic. My husband and I are starting Power 90 again from Monday. I'm looking forward to it but also dreading it. I've been doing no exercise at all lately, I stopped doing taekwon-do when I got pregnant and haven't gone back. I won't go back because to me it's a bit pointless because if I get pregnant again I'll have to stop anyway and I'm useless when training because I'm terrified I'll get kicked in the stomach (which actually happened during my last pregnancy at 6DPO!). My husband is going to go back once he's a bit fitter. Either way I'm equally excited and dreading starting P90 again!

Also...I GOT A RAV4 TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's taken ten years and four cars but I finally got it. I'm so excited! It's a bit weird, though, the Rav4 was my dream car...can I give everyone a bit of advice? Aim higher! I was once told that your dream car is meant to be something unobtainable and now I know why...I no longer have a dream car, I just have my car. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely over the moon but I don't think I'll ever have a "dream car" again. Not the way I wanted the Rav! Either way, I get a massive smile on my face every time I walk into the garage and see this...