Why is this so hard?

It's been 5 1/2 weeks since my miscarriage and it still hurts so much. I cry all the time, the littlest things will set me off. Like the other day, I was in the lunch room at work and one of the girls who is pregnant was in there. I was dealing with that fine until someone else came in and started talking to her about her pregnancy at which point I muttered to my friend "I'm outta here." and left before I started crying which I do quietly at my desk quite often these days.

So many of my friends are pregnant that it's not funny. This includes one of my best friends whose pregnancy was about 3 weeks behind mine. I am so, so happy for her but hearing about her pregnancy all the time is killing me. I want to support her, though, because when I first got pregnant she was still dealing with the miscarriage she had in December so she knows how I feel. Also, she's amazing and I hope she knows that, too!

I am seriously considering leaving Facebook for awhile, though. Of those people I know who are pregnant quite a few of them are due in May/June. I'm even going to one of the births! As hard as that will be for me emotionally, I'm excited to support my friend and so honoured that she's asked me to share such a special event with her and her husband, like she says, I've still got a chance to get pregnant again before she gives birth! Here's hoping that watching her give birth doesn't scare me off having children altogether! ;)

One thing I am dreading is Saturday. That's when I have to go to Baby Bunting and pick up the nursery furniture that I put on lay-by. I couldn't bring myself to cancel it because it was such a good deal but having it sitting in the house is going to be torture. It's bad enough that I already have a bunch of baby stuff in there but having the cot will be so much more difficult even if it is boxed up.

So anyway, I hope that people can understand that when I don't comment or post on your baby things and don't want to be around children that much right now, it's not because I'm angry at you or annoyed at you or dislike you or are unhappy for you, it's just because I'm dying inside and want to be in my own, miserable world for awhile and not rub salt into my wounds or bring you down in any way with how I'm feeling.

I am coping right now...but only just. :-/

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