So much has happened since my last post. I’m in a much better place right now. As the title said, I saw the most amazing thing, the birth of baby Eleni Jade. She is so beautiful. I’m committed to writing a “birth story” from my third party perspective which I’ll post in the next week. It’s funny, I was supposed to attend the birth of my niece in 2010 but she was born in the 36 hours I was out of the state for a taekwon-do tournament. My sister-in-law always said to me that if I saw someone give birth then I would never want to do it. To be honest, I was a little bit scared that she would be right. I forgot that whenever I have to do something I’m scared of, I always say “you do it first!” because after I see someone else do it, I find it easier to do it too.
Personally, I’m now of the belief that every “first timer” should try and attend a birth. I guess, though, that it would only be if you were attending the birth of someone as amazing as K. We had talked quite a bit before the birth, I’d read her birth plan and like me, she was very pro-natural birth. I’ll leave the details for the birth story but when the time came, there was nothing scary about it. K was in control the whole time and while she was undoubtedly in a lot of pain, she vocalised it and dealt with it. I haven’t been scared off childbirth at all, in fact I’m more than ready for it.
Reading a million pregnancy books couldn’t have prepared me for the real thing as much as seeing it live did. I remember being amazed by my nephew and my niece as babies but when I had newborn cuddles with baby Eleni a mere two hours after she was born (I was the first person after Mum and Dad to hold her!), I don’t think I’ve ever been more amazed. Even last night, a week later, I visited and had cuddles and was still so taken away by her. I literally just stared at her as I held her for almost an hour. I can’t even imagine how it will feel when the baby is mine, when I’m the one who has carried and birthed them. They’re not wrong when they call it “the miracle of birth” because it truly is miraculous!
So…I guess that bring us back to our TTC journey. Due to Eleni’s unfortunately-timed-but-nonetheless-amazing birth, we didn’t actually DTD on the day I O’d…which was the day E was born. We did DTD the day before and had been following the SMEP of doing it every other day so we’re still in with a chance. Testing day is Friday, the 1st of June. So far no symptoms other than what I normally have and I don’t feel pregnant. I’m trying (and failing) to not get my hopes up. A part of me is convinced that I’ll get the “Not Pregnant” on my ClearBlue Digital test on Friday morning but a larger part thinks it’ll say “Pregnant”. I’m trying to beat that part into submission right now because I can’t deal with the devastating fallout if I’m not pregnant and I haven’t already killed my hopes.
Speaking of beating things into submission, I’m halfway through the Fifty Shades series. Interesting, very interesting. *fans self*
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